Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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