Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
