I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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