remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
