somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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