She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
