the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
