you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
