Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
