he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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