what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
