If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
