were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I touched a dick in church today
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
