I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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