Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
