Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
