I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
