ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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