The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
