Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
