Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
