Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
