How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
