Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Damn victory sex feels great
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
