you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
