I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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