Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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