I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
