She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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