You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
