the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
