I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
