I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
