and she was petting her beer can
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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