Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
