Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
