UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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