I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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