Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
