So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
