I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
