I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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