The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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