smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
