what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
