i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
