if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
