a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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