you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
