Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
