Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
