Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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