is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
