I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
