i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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