ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
