He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
